Complimentary Personal Assistants

Traveling can be difficult. So many plans to make, reservations to arrange, directions to obtain - it's hard to keep track of all this important information. And conversations with friends, loved ones, new acquaintances? You might as well record every conversation you have during your trip! How else to retain so much valuable information? Well, now you can. Or rather, we will. And do. The Administrative Security Department (DAS), our equivalent of the CIA and Department of Homeland Security has ample experience audio recording the conversations of journalists, opposition politicians, human rights defenders... We'd be more than happy to arrange to have your conversations wiretapped and transcribed on your visit. Don't worry about fees, we already get $500 million from the US government every year, and we're expecting even more in 2010.